some psychology test

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

me: kinda true. i always like to look at both sides of the coin before making a decision.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

me: ahahahaha. so what's new?

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

me: perhaps.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

me: plenty of dates? where? for crying out loud.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

me: this is probably the most true thing.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

me: steady income. with increases.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

HIV, mail order brides, and hayden kho

the title of this entry contains three topics that seem unrelated to each other. i meant it that way, put them together, i mean, because for the first time in a longish time, i have something lengthy to write about, even if it's three disjointed topics in one entry.

ok. let's start with the hottest issue. i'm talking about the famous (or notorious) videos of vicki belo's lover hayden kho. apparently, hayden has this habit of secretly filming his romps with several women, among them katrina halili, a brazilian model, some other starlet, etc. the evening news on all channels have this story as a headline. blogs are being written about these videos. kris aquino and boy abunda have discussed this extensively on their nightly showbiz news program. even the halls of the senate have buzzed with this issue, what with bong revilla taking the floor and delivering a privilege speech about how "depraved" and a "maniac" hayden kho is, and asking the PRC or the philippine medical association to revoke kho's license due to immorality.

i had the rare privilege (really now) to watch one of the videos, the one where hayden and katrina are dancing and singing along to george michael's careless whisper. first thing i thought of was that this video was funny. then i realized that perhaps katrina did not know they were being filmed. i don't know if they had sex before or after the dancing (i couldn't care less, haha), but for 2 people who are always in the limelight, the video seemed...crass.

the other videos which the news carried showed hayden fixing the camera on differed occasions prior to his trysts. obviously the man takes pleasure in filming himself while getting all hot and heavy with these women. it's almost like a fetish. no, wait, it IS a fetish. unfortunately, he has dragged several women into this mess, and these women are personalities themselves, so there's no escaping the recognition. and the embarrassment, although i doubt if any of these women will actually come forward and say something about the videos they were in.

and i thought hayden kho was a good looking, respectable young doctor. maybe a bit on the weird side, because he went for older women. but he was ok, until this hidden side of him came out and changed the way people saw him. now he's no longer that shy guy with the singing talent who won celebrity duets. he's a perv, and in the words of bong revilla, "isa syang maniac, mr. president."

*****

another issue that was on the news these past few days was alec baldwin's statement that if he were to get married, he would choose to have a filipina mail order bride for a wife.

he meant it as a joke (hey, he was on the letterman show), but people took it in a negative light, calling it an unforgivable slur and a statement reeking of racism. there have been calls for him to apologize publicly for this, coming from senators, feminists, nationalist groups, journalists, bloggers, and the average reasonable man (or woman).

i'm not going to apologize for what he said. when we were in australia for a debate competition in the 90s, some of our teammates (we were an all girl group of 2 teams of 3 each plus our adviser) had the unfortunate experience of being called drunkards and mail order brides during a send up (funny) debate. although that debate was not a serious one, and maybe the opposing team meant it as a joke, but then again, it was racist, and a slap to our being filipino.

this brings to mind another racial slur about filipino doctors on the TV series "desperate housewives". and the definition of filipino roulette. how about the filipino biscuits in england?

there have been many instances that our being filipino has been made fun of, disparaged, dragged in the mud. our politicians, feminists, militant groups, and people on the street have railed against the racism and the statements, but what have we actually done to raise ourselves from the mud? perhaps we have tried, and succeeded. look at manny pacquiao, charice pempenco, monique lhuillier, lea salonga, the crewmembers of the luxury ships, the nurses and doctors and OFWs, and those who make an honest living in the philippines and survive honestly despite the crisis.

wait, we have done a lot to raise the status of being filipino. why should we let one statement affect us? instead of wasting time foaming at the mouth and demanding that this person be whipped, tarred and feathered and then set aflame, maybe we should spend more time improving our image. let's just capitalize on the fact that there are many good things about being filipino.

and i don't need to remind everyone that alec baldwin isn't exactly a superstar. maybe once upon a time he was, but not anymore. so what he says isn't exactly important. or earthshaking. or something worth listening to. i mean, who would remember what he said on that show? no one, i bet.

*****

last but not least, i want to touch on a serious matter.

tonight the correspondents featured a documentary on the alarming rise of HIV-positive youth in the philippines. these are young people aged 15-30, who make up about 20% of the total population of HIV-positive people. 20% is an alarming number, and so is the interval 15-30 years old. this means that more and more young people are sexually active and are perhaps ignorant of, or don't really care about, the risks of unprotected sex with multiple partners.

this brings to mind that previous episode about teen aged fathers. boys as young as 15 are already fathers or expecting to be fathers. when asked how they found themselves in this situation, they said that they enjoyed having sex without actually realizing the consequences. blame it on lack of parental guidance, family support, proper education in school, societal guidance, guidance from the church, etc.

when i was in 6th grade, our teacher showed us a video of a woman giving birth. the camera was focused on her genital area, where the baby was about to come out. i think that video gave me some sort of trauma about childbirth, which i hope will go away. in sophomore year we had sex education classes, where we were taught about birth control methods and that the best method is abstinence. by senior year we were learning about pregnancy and childbirth and the costs, pains and joys accompanying this most important period of womanhood. this is probably the reason why a lot of girls in my batch did not marry at once. we enjoyed the single life for the longest time before some of us took on the responsibility of being wives and mothers.

some sectors have denounced the plan to teach sex ed in public schools because of the morality issue. what they are not seeing is the hidden benefit of opening the eyes of young people to issues of sex and sexuality, which are better learned within the family or through proper teaching techniques in school. bereft of this kind of teaching, young people turn to their peers, to the internet, to media, or they try to discover it themselves. sometimes they realize early on that they can wait. but most of the time, owing to raging hormones, they jump into sex without realizing the responsibilities they have to face, which were not taught to them properly.

teenage pregnancy and fatherhood, HIV, STDs, and induced abortions are the consequences of unguided sexual conduct. if young people were made aware of these, perhaps they would wait until they were ready, or if they could not wait, they would at least be safe.

*****

so that's it for me tonight. i have to go to sleep. must wake up early tomorrow. :)

8 toxic personalities to avoid

8 Toxic personalities to avoid
by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance, on Wed May 13, 2009 8:01am PDT

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.

* Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."

* Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

* Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.

* Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

* Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

* Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

* Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

* Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

a new chapter

been in training for three weeks now for the new account i moved to. i've gone a long way from the bitterness to this new chapter in my life. this is totally new. no tech support involved here, no sales talk. can't divulge much about it except that what i'm ;learning is totally new.

anyway, things have been going well. i'm now doing the midshift, which is 12noon to 9pm. at least i'm home on weeknights, although because of the traffic on south superhighway, i'm usually home no earlier than 10:30pm. oh, and the parking kinda sucks because by 11am the parking area of the building is full, and usually i have to wait between 15-45 minutes before someone leaves and i get a slot. it's way better and cheaper than if i have to park at the mall. parking here is 80 pesos for 12 hours max, and 10 pesos for every hour or fraction thereof, while it's 10 pesos per hour at the mall, except if you purchase 1000 pesos worth, then parking is free, but i have neither the time nor the money to shop, so why spend?

another perk of training is free food for lunch. for the last few days i've been posting what we're having for lunch on my twitter account. it's been delicious so far, except for the salty adobo and lasagna.

well, the trainer's here. will continue later, if i can. have to study for stat finals later.

waiting....

as i write this, i'm waiting for the pictures from our zambales outing to be uploaded to my facebook account. i got hit by nostalgia today and i realized that i had not uploaded those pictures to FB (but i do have them in my multiply and FS accounts, haha).

looking at all those pictures, i felt some form of, well, not nostalgia, but regret. that outing was the first and perhaps the only time that the whole quality team of the company (QAs and their leads, from 4 accounts) came together for a whole week end. it was half an outing and half a team building session, because we had an HR rep (angie) with us, and we had some cool activities for the team. these activities aimed at strengthening our bonds with our fellows. i can't forget the iron chef meets amazing race challenge. there's the cake eating contest. and the pinoy henyo game. and of course, my favorite, the tomador challenge, which made me swear off drinking hard liquor forever. haha.

i wonder if this will happen again, now that the quality team's number has been reduced. starting this week, i will be transitioning to another account as QA analyst (not really a change, because i'll be dealing with the same people), but some of us are not within the quality team anymore. some have been moved to ops, others will move to nonvoice accounts. i just wish the kind of fun we had at last year's team building/outing would be repeated. i don't know how, but i wish it would be.

something to read about....

5 tips for making yourself more valuable to your company

by Lylah M. Alphonse, on Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:03am PDT

My company is talking layoffs, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stressed out about it. Who stays and who goes may come down to things we can't control -- seniority, for instance, or full-time vs. part-time status, or the number of people in a given job category. But there are a few variables that can be controlled, and they can make a big difference in how valuable you are as an employee: Dedication, visibility, and special skills.

Here are five tips for keeping up with the things you can still control.

1.) Designate one day per week when you will come in early. Get there before the boss does; if you can manage it, get there before everyone else does, too. It doesn't have to be the same day each week, and it doesn't have to be by much, but that little extra bit of facetime can go a long way toward keeping you on the office radar and reminding people that you are, indeed, dedicated to the company.

2.) Designate one day per week when you will stay late. Later than your boss, later than everyone else, if you can, for the same reason stated above. Facetime, facetime, facetime.

3.) Look busy. A New York Times article about looking busy struck a chord with me, not because I'm lacking in things to do around the office, but because I hadn't thought about it before. I work at a computer -- I'd have to try hard not to look busy -- but if you're not at a desk job, then make sure you look like you have plenty to do, even if that means refolding the shirt display eleventy billion times a week.

4.) Be busy. Take on extra work if you can. I've noticed that, over the past few months, my mindset has changed from "They don't pay me enough to deal with that" to "Well, they pay me." A friend of mine whose husband was just laid off explained it this way: We've gone from a sense of entitlement -- not "I deserve a bonus because I'm great" but "I've worked here for 15 years, I ought to be able to work part time if I need to" -- to having to buckle down and compete with everyone all over again. Your company is going to want to wring every last bit of effort out of you in exchange for that paycheck; it's a lot more palatable if you beat them to it.

5.) Expand your skill set. Think of it this way: If you were just entering the workforce, you'd consider an unpaid internship, right, just to get the experience? Try to choose something you haven't done often before and, when the project is complete, add it to your resume, and show your boss that you have skills above and beyond the ones they hired you for.

Lylah M. Alphonse writes about juggling career and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and Work It, Mom!, and blogs at Write. Edit. Repeat.

bar exams 2008

the supreme court just released the results of the 2008 bar exams. as expected, a woman topped the bar. the surprise is, she is not a graduate of UP, ateneo or san beda. her name is judy a. lardizabal, and she made the san sebastian college school of law very very proud.

the second surprise is the #2 spot, which was given to another woman, and again not a graduate of UP, ateneo or san beda. mylene i. amerol-macumbal is from the mindanao state university college of law.

*****

every year, at around this time, i feel some sort of emotional distress. i last took the bar exams in 2006, which was the third time for me. in 2007, when the results came up and i did not make it yet again, i felt like i wasted, what, 5 years of my life slugging it out in law school when i should have been carving out a career for myself. at the age of 25 i was still in school when my peers were already managers. at the age of 25 i was still being supported by my parents, and my dad could not retire because i relied on him for my tuition fees. at the age of 25 i was hopeful that i would become what my father could not be: the first lawyer in the family.

in 2003 that dream failed. in 2004 that dream failed again. in 2007, it failed a third time, and i gave up.

my status message for today reads, "maybe it was meant for them and not for me. then again, there are other things that God has planned for me. i take all these in His name." people here at work thought that i was referring to the recent changes at work. actually, "it" refers to becoming a lawyer. maybe there are certain kinds of people who are meant to be lawyers, maybe i'm not one of them, although sometimes i imagine how my life would be like had i passed the bar and taken my oath. it might be way different from the life i live now. it could be better, or it could be worse. i don't really know.