ticking away

i have a desk clock on my dresser table at home. it ticks away the seconds but the minute and hour hands do not move at all. there must be something wrong with the mechanism, but as far as i know, it works. i mean, there's a battery in it and it ticks, but the time is perpetually stuck to 10:08. or 12:15. or 7:42, whichever i choose for the day.

as i was dressing this afternoon to go to work, i realized that the clock and i had something in common. like the clock that ticks but doesn't move, my life is ticking away but i'm not moving. i'm stuck in the same rut, unless someone or something moves me, and then i change my position in this infinite universe. then i get stuck again, until the next movement.

i know i have the will and the brains to move myself, much like the clock has a battery and a motor to run it. but there's something wrong. either i'm too scared to move out of my comfort zone that i choose to be stuck, or i'm too stubborn to learn anything new.

or maybe i just let the circumstances take me where they will, after i've done what i could and can do. like the clock on my dresser table that has done its job of telling the time, i've done my job trying to fulfill my ambitions. i'm tired of dreaming, of working, sometimes for nothing. all i can do is wait for something to happen.

thinking about it on my way to school, i realized that i didn't want to be like my dresser clock. i don't want to be stuck in a rut, which is why i constantly try to improve myself. sometimes, though, circumstances beyond my control will move me along, but at least i'm not stuck anymore. i will be moving.

but i won't get rid of the dresser clock. aside from the fact that it looks good sitting on my dresser table, it will be a (noisy) reminder for me not to get myself stuck into anything. to borrow a phrase from johnnie walker, i will keep moving.