my poetry, from long ago

i visited a website where i published some of my poetry written long ago. the site's owner purged some inactive accounts recently (mine included), so i decided to totally delete my account, but not before i copied my poems.

so here are the poems, 10 of them.

revelations

i tried to tell you all that was in my heart.
you said you were surprised.
i was speechless, too, for a moment.
my heart felt like it was going to blow up
within me, because the intensity of the revelation
hit me hard.
my being wept out of inexplicable joy
that i purged myself of the feeling
and a poignant pain out of the realization
that this revelation will not amount to anything
but that -- a great purging of emotions
which, at other times,
should be kept within.

ang kape

ang kape, pag nasobrahan,
manginginig ang iyong kalamnan.
utak mo'y magigising,
ngunit ikaw di'y magiging magugulatin.
malamang ngayon, imbis na dugo,
kape ang dumadaloy sa mga ugat ko.
brewed o instant, iced o mainit
basta may kape, ang araw ko'y hit na hit.
pag nawala ito sa `ki'y anong sakit.
parang ako'y malungkot, ewan kung bakit.
dahil sa kape, ako'y nagiging makata.
wala nang saysay ang tula, kaya tama na.

tag-ulan

dumating na naman ang tag-ulan.
makulimlim ang langit, basa ang mga daan.
minsan pa'y bumabaha sa lansangan,
at napakahirap kumuha ng sasakyan.
masarap matulog sa buong maghapon
dahil malamig ang panahon.
kaso, hindi pwede ang ganitong buhay
dahil kailangan pumasok o maghanapbuhay.
ang hirap rin pag tag-ulan, at ika'y naka-porma
minsa'y napuputikan o kaya'y nababasa.
nakakainis, dahil bago ka makarating sa pupuntahan
magandang porma'y nagmistulang nilabhang basahan.
pero kung mayaman ka at de-kotse pa
wala kang gaanong problema.
mababasa lang ang kotse mo
pero ang damit mo'y tuyo at mukhang bago.
bago pa ito humaba, ititigil ko na ang pagsulat
at hihintayin ko na lang ang ulan at ang kanyang pagbagsak.

slow dance

the music was slow, soft and sweet.
i wondered then as i willed our eyes to meet
if you would come and ask me to dance
with you. the thought and thrill put me in such a trance
that the stars seemed to twinkle more, and all was a dream.
and then you came to me; it had seemed
to be another of cupid's tricks. but it was real!
your hand i touched, your warmth i could feel,
and before long you and i were together,
dancing to the sweet, slow music. i never
wanted this moment to end; i prayed this to last forever.
i smiled at my thoughts. you smiled, too.
without exchanging word you found what was going through
my mind. then the slow, sweet song ended, to my dismay.
i didn't want this night to end, nor to go through a day
without you. and yet...and yet,
when the song ended, you did not let
go of me. in your eyes i can tell you want to go on
dancing to the slow, sweet song, but not alone.
let us, then, create our own song together,
one that never ends, so we can dance forever.

song of the aged soul

i have been to many places
and have seen a myriad of colors, figures,
felt the sorrows and joys of the earth.
i moved from one corporeal being to another.
i tasted the sweetness of life in a world
akin to paradise
where none feared to tread.
i recoiled with the bitterness
i suffered in a world disguised as hell.
around me the tongues of flame, aroused by passion,
consumed the humanness that concealed me.
in another time i fought other soul-beings
and sought the power of conquest through hatred.
once, i also felt love,
and tasted the salt of the tears that came with it.
i heard the laughter of innocence
and the guffaw of disbelief.
i spoke with the voice of a thousand thunders,
and i was hushed into a deathly silence.
all these came through a cycle
of birth, death, rebirth.
i would want it all to end
but that is one power not granted to me.
i can be born into any shape, born into any age,
but i cannot choose not to be born.
until the time appointed for my final death has come,
the painful cycle must continue,
the song must not end.

by candlelight

i lit a candle in the midst of my loneliness
with no one to talk to.
i stared at the flame.
it burnt brightly.
i felt its heat.
it brought light to the darkness
that was the emptiness of my soul.
it brought warmth to the cold
that was the bitter winter of my life.
for it was then that i felt
more than ever
the darkness that washed over me,
the cold wind that blew into
the cracks of my withered being.
and that little flame
brought back the light and warmth
even for a moment.

at 3 a.m.

i stare at the world with cold, dark eyes
and i wonder why tonight, of all nights,
i almost gave myself away.
i had struggled within myself.
it took so much pain on my part
to hide everything behind a poker face.
i smiled, though inside i was dying.
i laughed, though within i was in tears.
i tried to be what i was really not.
and now i'm all alone.
the cold, dark eyes that stared at the world
are now filling with tears.

smoke haze

my thoughts run wild in the smoke-filled aire
running left and right
a melange of sadness and, ironically,
bittersweet joy
like oil and water they cannot mix
my mind wanders off to two different ways
one inexplicable and yet sweet
the other sorrowful and heart-wrenching
why then this strange fabric of thought
coming together on some uncertain night
as music fills my ears
and smoke and tears fill my eyes

winter's tale

you came into my life so suddenly
that i barely caught my breath.
but now you're leaving me behind.
like the breeze that blew from the north
heralding the coming of winter
you are leaving me in the cold
after stealing the warmth of my love.
you may not know it
and i didn't want to tell you
but you are leaving behind
a cold, empty void
inside the shell that is me.

noise

i close my eyes and try to drown out the sound
of the world
filling my ears with pleasant garbage
and unpleasant gifts
i cannot hear the thunder of my heart
above the sandstorm howls around me
i need to seek myself within
my being wants to speak to me
but try as i may
i listen in vain

there's nothing like free dinner

now attending the induction of the rotary club of calauag. it was a really long trip, 4 hours from manila to atimonan, then another hour from atimonan to calauag. i've never gone beyond atimonan on the maharlika highway, and it was nice to drive along the coastline of lamon bay. 

anyway, when we got here they were serving hors d'oeuvres and drinks, which is just a fancy way to describe fishballs, chicken balls, sliced cocktail hotdogs, and green salad. drinks are free flowing (pineapple juice, some pink milk-based drink whose ingredients i can't identify, red wine, brandy, coffee). after some time the buffet was opened.

clockwise from top left: crabcakes, pineapple chicken (according to the server), fish fillet. there was also soup (crab and corn, i think), and lechon. dessert was cathedral window, one of my favorites.

dinner was ok. but i think i need more wine. i only had 2 glasses.

lunch on a rainy day

yesterday i was invited to lunch by some folks at work. we didn't have any definite plans as to where we were going, but we had to make sure that one of us, who was a vegetarian, could enjoy lunch as well. 


we headed to the mall and decided on zao vietnamese bistro. i'm not sure if my companions had been here before, but it was the first time for me.

photo from spreadsomeawesome.com

 it was not crowded during the lunch hour, and a young-ish lady in an ao dai took us to our table at the far corner of the restaurant. i guess the place could seat around 30 people at most.


i perused the menu, and i wanted to try everything.

from beeconomic.com.ph

finally i settled on the spicy lemongrass tofu, which i figured i can share with my companion who was a vegetarian. we also ordered the fresh spring rolls (no pork or shrimp), prawns in caramelized garlic, and the barbecue platter.

the fresh spring rolls. ours had no shrimp or pork. (photo from ph.openrice.com)

spicy lemongrass tofu. my favorite dish. (photo from travelingeater.blogspot.com)

barbecue platter. it has chicken, pork and spareribs. i liked the chicken, but the color of the dish made it difficult to determine which is what. (photo from thepickiesteater.net)

all in all it was a good lunch. i plan to go back there with my parents so we can try out the other dishes. but i am definitely going for the tofu again.

zao vietnamese bistro has branches in eastwood city, libis (2nd level, eastwood mall veranda) and at the bonifacio global city, taguig (unit 1C16, serendra).

BLOWBAGETS. no, not the movie.

When I started driving my dad's 1996 model Honda Civic, he was worried that I might not be able to identify the troubles that came with driving an old car. He called me a "Driver Driver", someone who didn't know anything about car maintenance.

It's true. I don't know much about car maintenance. I can change a flat tire but only if there's really no one to help out. I know that if the car won't start, then there's something wrong with the battery, although I learned that from experience and not really because I knew it in the first place. Of course there's the gas gauge, which reminds me to go get gas when the indicator is just above the red line. I know that if the temperature gauge indicator is higher than midway, then I might have a problem and should get to the nearest gas station and check the water in the radiator. Again, that was learned through experience.

When I went to get gas on my way to work, I asked the gasoline boy to check on the water and oil. He checked both and also checked the brake fluid level. He told me I needed to top up the fluid as it was below the minimum level, so I bought a bottle of brake fluid and asked him to fill it up. I realized then that this low level was probably the reason why last night, on my way home, I could hear a sort of clanking sound whenever I stepped on the brakes.

After gassing up, I thought of BLOWBAGETS. No, it's not some newfangled contraption, nor is it the title of some B-movie. It's actually an acronym that drivers, myself included, should remember to check before getting into their vehicles and driving to wherever. No, I didn't coin the term. It's something that's always shown on the news whenever they report traffic accidents, multiple collisions and anything related to driving/vehicles/drunk driving. For my benefit and yours (in case you've gotten this far), here's what it means.

B - Brakes. Have your brakes checked. This includes the brake pads, brake fluid and whatever comes with the whole shebang.
L - Lights. Check your lights (headlights, taillights, signal lights), especially when driving at night. Recently my brother took it upon himself to replace the bulbs on the headlights, because he thought they were too dim for nighttime driving. Bless him, he was right. My headlights are brighter now, without being too offensively bright.
O - Oil. Honestly, I don't know what the oil is for, but I think it's important, so I check it, or have the gasoline boy check it. If you can enlighten me on what the oil is for, thank you.
W - Water. When I didn't know any better, I didn't check the water in my radiator, which caused me so much stress on the highway because my car overheated on numerous occasions. Now I know better, and I always check this before I get in the car. I also have two 2-liter soda bottles filled with water in the trunk, because you'll never know where you'd be caught with an overheated vehicle. Or I'm just paranoid after so many instances.
B - Battery. Usually car batteries have a 1-year lifespan, depending on how much the car is used. To be safe, always remember when you had a new battery put in, and when the anniversary date is near, have the electrical currents checked by a professional. This will help you know if you need to replace the battery. In case your battery dies and you're in the parking lot of CG2, you can call the Motolite Express Delivery service at 370-MOTO (6686) and they will deliver a new battery for you. Yes, they accept credit cards. And yes, this is for Metro Manila only.
A - Air. For the tires, of course. We can't risk an accident because the car's tires have either little or too much air. I think the standard pressure is 30 psi for a car.
G - Gas. The car will not run if it's out of gas. Duh.

E - Electricity. Electric currents are important for the windows, locks, and other stuff that I can't enumerate because I don't know what they are.
T - Tires. Tires should be checked for wear and tear, and should be checked for alignment.
S - Self. You (or me), the driver, should check if you (or I) am fit to drive. Sleepy? Drunk? Half-crazy? Depressed and crying? Don't get behind the wheel. Please.

Higgs Boson

One of the recent stories that topped the headlines was the discovery of a Higgs boson-like particle by physicists working at CERN (Conseil Europeen pour la Recherche Nucleaire, or the European Organization for Nuclear Research), using the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva. When the announcement was made during a conference of physicists, it was met by applause and cheering that could have rivalled the World Cup finals.

I’m not going to try and explain what the Higgs boson is, nor what it is for, since I am not a physicist (just a frustrated one). However, there are some things that made sense to me as I was reading through the news articles and doing a little research on the side.

1) There is always a reason why something is.
The theory of the Higgs boson came about in the 1960s, when physicists (François Englert and Robert Brout; Peter Higgs; and Gerald Guralnik, C. R. Hagen, and Tom Kibble) came up with a theory that there must be something behind the force that makes fundamental particles interact to form matter. This is what led to the idea that the Higgs boson is the “God particle”, a term coined by Nobel laureate Leon Lederman when he asserted that the discovery of the particle is crucial to a final understanding of what makes up matter.

OK, I actually looked that up in Wikipedia, and tried to summarize it as I understood it. The point is, there must be something that makes things what they are. In this case, it’s what caused the Big Bang to happen, and eventually the universe to become what it is.

I think.

2) Never give up.

Physicists are a very patient lot. For millenia, they have been trying to explain the forces that make up matter. From Thales, Archimedes and the other  Greek philosopher-scientists, to Galileo, Newton and Copernicus, to Einstein, Bohr, Higgs and the modern day physicists of CERN and Fermilab — physicists have pored over data, made calculations and speculated, published their findings, and went back to find out more. In short, they never gave up until they could find the answers to their questions. And there are still many questions left unanswered.

I think.

3) Physics is fascinating. So is Math.

I’ve always wondered why I never excelled in Math or Physics in high school. My mother said that maybe because I don’t like numbers or anything with formulae, so I didn’t put as much effort in understanding mathematical and physical theories as I did when reading poetry or writing short stories (which is why I ended up with degrees in English literature and law, but that’s another story). But now I’m finding out that I may have lost a part of my life by not liking physics.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I had chosen to major in physics. Or mathematics. Or molecular biology and biotechnology. Would it be any different?

Recently I came across a copy of Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time. I tried to read it, but couldn’t get past page 10. With the discovery of the Higgs boson, I may just go back to (trying to) read the book again, even if it means having to stop after every 2 pages.

4) Interest in the Higgs boson story can determine if you and the person you like think alike, and could end up happily married.

Nah.